50 years
by kaybee27
Summary: Broken hearts that never heal


_He sat there by the window like he did every morning with the slight hope that something would happen to get the adrenaline pumping like it did all those years back. The days were getting cooler and the leaves had started their annual carnival of lush autumnal colours. Another year coming to an end, he thought. He looked at his legs which were no longer an ally to him although to be fair he had made his poor body suffer through out the years - by the law or averages he should never made it into his 80s. He sniggers to himself and thinks how many lives does one person get? And then that very statement brought a vision of her into his mind, he closed his eyes and thought to himself after fifty years he could still see her, feel her, taste her; maybe he was put on this earth to suffer a slow painful death because broken hearts truly never heal._

_Flashback_

_That first night he got home from his debrief and catching up with his buddies at the penny - he felt an energy of things to come. Walking around his house drinking everything in with his eyes trying to adjust back to normality. After showering and setting the coffee maker for the morning he climbed into his own bed. He layed there feeling totally relaxed for the first time in months and processed the day in his mind and he knew then the Bambi that burned him that day and ruined all those lousy months of undercover work had stirred something deep within - the connection was there as fast as a lightening strike and even though he wasn't acknowledging it, he knew it was there._

He heard a distance noise of a car backfiring and it brought him back to the here and now. The noise that closely equalled gunfire made him zap back down to earth. He berated himself for letting himself think about her again. He had trained himself to never think about her and after all of these years he had succeeded - well most of the time.

_Flashback_

"_Do you think the universe has a plan …..? For us?" He remembered her face when she had asked him that question. He couldn't remember what his exact answer was but knew it was something sarcastic. He remembers this precious moment so vividly like it was yesterday. They were laying in bed after the first time they had made love and he really means made love - it had never been like that before sure he had had his fair share of partners and he actively enjoyed it but this was different, he had never felt so complete in all his life - the timing was completely off but he knew this was it for him. She was it!_

"Uncle Sam, you should be thinking about getting ready. I said I'd have you there by 2pm so you had enough time to have a look around before the ceremony at 3pm. Do you need any help?" He looked around to find his great niece standing in the door in her dress uniform. The only one to follow his footsteps. "My, look at you, don't you look grand!" he smiled at her "Thanks Jess, I'll be fine - still life in this old dog"

"Oh I have no doubt in that unc, after all you are a bit of a legend in our parts!" He smiled at her and waved his arm to shoo her out of the room "I'll be done soon, just getting my game face on! - fake it to you make it!"

_Flashback_

"_Sam, I'm really sorry. I was careful, honestly, I don't know how it happened….well obviously I do know how it happened but I was careful" Andy was talking ten to the dozen "McNally" he tried to interject "you'll think I've trapped you and honestly Sam I haven't" "MCNALLY" he shouted, she looked at him stunned "Are you telling me what I think your telling me?" she nodded "McNally are you pregnant? She nodded again biting her lips whilst looking like a scared rabbit in the head lights "How sure are you?" he asked "Well your either pregnant or your not so the stick telling me I'm pregnant and then the five others I peed on then agreeing with it . I would say it's pretty conclusive!" she answered. "wow!" he said whilst running his hand over the back of his neck "wow!" "Sam, don't worry. I won't pressure you" "McNally are you frigging kidding me? Now get your fine little butt over here and kiss me!" _

"You ok back there Unc, I know your all about the silence but this is even quiet for you!" Sam smirked "I'm all good thanks Jess - just taking in my surroundings" He said contently "Well, we will be there shortly and I'll make the introductions. You will meet some of my colleagues and also some other retired officers will be there for the ceremony so you might see some faces that you will recognise."

Then he saw it the brand new 15th Division. This new building by all accounts was state of the art, the whole nine yards and for some unknown reason they had asked him to officially open it. Sam got out of the car not as quick as he did in his prime but still unaided. Jess introduced him to this person and that, many different faces being told their names and job titles but knowing he wasn't going to remember anyone or anything. He wasn't really sure why he had accepted after all he had lost most of his friends over the years and the ones who were still around had moved away and apart from the yearly holiday cards to make sure the other was alive, contact was little. As for her, she was gone a long time ago.

_Flashback_

"_Andy, please don't go" he rushed "you're it for me, since I've known you, you've been a like a hurricane that has crashed into my life and sucked me in. I have my pride Andy but if begging makes you stay then I'll do it - please don't leave me. We can get through this. I love you and will until the day I die. Please don't go…."_

"_I can't, we have nothing left. Sometimes you have got to take the hint Sam that we are obviously not meant to be together - love shouldn't be this hard, it should be joyous, fun and uncomplicated. I do love you Sam and if you do love me as much as you say you do set me free."_

_The day she walked out that door was the last he saw her. He heard the odd rumour about her after she had left 15th, how she was working her way up the ranks but there paths never crossed. After she had lost the baby, she had gone into a deep depression that he could never bring her back from. That was the day that Sam Swarek's heart shattered into irreparable pieces._

_Jess grabbed Sam's hand to get his attention he had clearly been distracted. "Uncle Sam, this is Matthew Epstein." "Hello there Mr Swarek, I believe you may remember my grandfather, Dov Epstein?" "Ha, yes Epstein was a fine officer; never saw a more eager Rookie but certainly a fine cooper. How is Dov?" Sam asked enthusiastically. "He passed away a few years back now sir." "Oh, oh, I'm sorry to hear that. He was a fine cooper he was" "Yes he was sir and thank you. It's been great to meet one of his hero's" Matthew said whilst shaking Sam's hand. Sam let go of the young man's hand "Jess, I'm just going to go for a little wander" _

_He walked into what looked like a locker room, was much more hi-tech than his day but still had the familiar feel of a changing room "Still hanging around women's locker rooms Sam?" He smirked at first but then realised this was real, a real voice had said that and not a memory from yesteryear, He froze stock still to the spot. "Aw I see still the strong silent type!" He turned in what felt like slow motion until he came face to face with a mirage, he reached his hand out not believing his old eyes and she took it into her hands holding it, "Hello Sam" he stood there totally shocked. The hair maybe short now and the colour of pewter and maybe a few laughter lines but it was her and with a sudden flash of lightening he said "McNally" and nodded his head at her knowing again that it maybe more than 50 years later but the connection was back and their was definitely life in this old dog…._

_The end!_

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_I hope you enjoyed this and would love a little feedback. Call me a romantic but I'm a firm believer in soul mates and if love is meant to be, no matter what curve balls get thrown at you, it will be. Happy McSwarek day people. _


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